Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize