i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
