They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
