if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize