Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
