I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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