I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize