My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
