wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
