you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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