i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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