he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
