3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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