I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
