A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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