Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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