The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
