i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
