I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
