The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
