This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
