I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
