I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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