She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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