That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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