just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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