she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
