Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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