my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
