Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
