She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize