When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
