If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
