Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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