He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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