You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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