plz talk dirty to me
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have tasted many bathrooms
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
