Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize