I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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