I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
