Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
