Porn is love you can see.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize