her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
