my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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