waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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