I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
