So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
