Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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