you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
