On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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