Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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