Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
