Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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