I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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