so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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