Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
