OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so that wasnt chicken after all
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
