She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
