booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
