Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
