she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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