I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
