Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
there's paper in my vomit.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
