I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Actions speak louder than pants.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
