I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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