i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
