So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
