I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
