i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
