What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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