mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
This couple is walking their pig around campus
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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