Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
