I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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