dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
