Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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