Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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