you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
