I just threw up on my dentist
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
