You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
