Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
