After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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