your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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