is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
