Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i think im in europe. pls send help
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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