I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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