he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
