when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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