My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Randomize
