I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize