mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
