if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize