is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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