The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
me + whiskey = a bad person
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
