There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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