I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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